Daily Readings: Joshua 13-14, Mark 1, Psalm 61
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Ever since our newest child, Andrew James, was born two and half months ago life his been a bit chaotic. The combination of bringing a fourth child into the world, 31 days in NICU, the normal lack of sleep that comes with having a new born after Andrew’s arrival home, and maintaining all of the normal family, ministry, and business obligations has left me stretched a bit thin.
There have definitely been many moments in the last couple of months where I felt like David when writing this Psalm and where my heart certainly felt faint.
God has been so good throughout and truly has been my refuge, but it has been a refuge I have not spent enough time turning to.
Earlier this week I had a moment when driving in my car that was not prompted by anything that had happened that morning where I just felt a deep sense of loss at how little time I had been spending with my heavenly father over the last two months. I began tearing up while driving and simply apologizing.
“I am so sorry that I have allowed ‘the season of life I am in with a new born’ to turn into an excuse to make my time with you cut short. I want more time with you father. I want more of you.”
When I read the last two verses above this morning, those same emotions welled up inside of me.
I want to dwell in his tent forever. I want to take shelter under his wings.
It is only by the grace of God that I have not completely collapsed the last two and a half months. I have been pulled in so many directions. It has only been because of those moments of prayer and worship where I remember to turn it all back over to him that I have had my strength maintained.
However, I have let my mornings slip away. I have allowed that private time every morning that had previously been devoted to our relationship to slip away in an effort to get a little more sleep or to self medicate by knocking one more item off of an ever growing to-do list, reading an article about the game the night before, or spending time on social media.
I have allowed sleep, work, and entertainment to dominate my mornings and take over the time formally reserved for God.
I want to go back to having my first and deepest desire of the day to dwell in his tent and seek shelter beneath his wings.
As human beings we are master rationalizers. It is easy for me to intellectually justify that this is simply a time of life where I need to keep my head above the water and may just need to spend a bit less time in God’s word and less time writing faithfully. I could tell you today that I have been spending time with God in other ways, which would be the truth, but would conveniently neglect the deeper truth. It would ignore the fact that my time in the word and writing is where I feel the most connected with God and where our relationship is at it’s fullest.
When life gets overwhelming, I want my default to be turning to MORE time with God, not less. I want my first response to be cutting out other items from my life, not allowing my time with God to be the first thing that is eliminated in busy times where I feel like there are not enough hours in the day.
I want my first desire to be for time beneath his wings. Today I will dwell in his tent.
Thought to ponder
When have you recently sacrificed your time with God because life got busy? What does true time with God look like for you and how can you guard that time better in this next week?